how are you enduring your freedom?

But really i think it just means "I'm old enough"

from marybethorama

Good. You know your music. You should be able to
work at Championship Vinyl with Rob, Dick and
Barry

from owlmoose

From owlmoose, a questions meme.

( Read more... )

Short version of post: Check out the Latest Obsession! Read it, subscribe to it, LOVE IT! And yes this blog will still get updated with the more personal stuff. You know. The JOURNALY stuff. Cause it's liveJOURNAL.

Long version: There are two reasons/issues here, my identity's privacy and a blog's purpose.
( Read more... )

I know all my readers are savvy internetizens and so have already seen the Lazy Sunday short from Saturday Night Live. But JUST IN CASE you haven't, please, go download it from iTunes where it's free, and watch it. It's very important. If you are having trouble /no iTunes, post to comments and I'll get it to you.

Important!!

(What's SO funny about this for me is that it actually works as an advertisement for the Narnia movie, which I now want to see more than I did before I saw the rap.)

and since this sucks as an "update" I'll give you my Xmas loot rundown.
( stuff, things received )

We opened presents today to accommodate some travel schedules, so I tender this greeting to youse a day early:

Please accept with no obligation, implied or implicit, best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all. We also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2006, but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. And without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee. By accepting these greetings you are accepting these terms. This greeting is subject to clarification or withdrawal. It is freely transferable with no alteration to the original greeting. It implies no promise by the wisher to actually implement any of the wishes for herself or himself or others, and is void where prohibited by law and is revocable at the sole discretion of the wisher. This wish is warranted to perform as expected within the usual application of good tidings for a period of one year or until the issuance of a subsequent holiday greeting, whichever comes first, and warranty is limited to replacement of this wish or issuance of a new wish at the sole discretion of the wisher.

From owlmoose. No surprises here. However I have always preferred the term "acedia."

( I'm a sinner )

Grad student finds only copy of stolen thesis.

1) Good for her!

2) What a dumbass!

SNOW: AT LAST!
It's cold here. There's 6 inches of snow on the ground and it's not going anywhere anytime soon. WAHOO! That's what I'm TALKING ABOUT!! mF!!! *dance of joy*

KIDS ARE CUTE, PART 53,019
We took professional photos today at some mall place. My aunt, bless her, insisted that my sister and I be included as "the grandkids" (we're not "the kids," but we're not cute and 2 either, so we've always been in this weird limbo). Those teenagers they get to take those pictures are getting some awesome experience in life. Wrangling 3 children, ages 5 and under, to all be looking at the camera and smiling at once. Then mediating the family's deliberations over which photos to pick, which has got to count as class credit towards some sort of psychology or business degree.

Cool: We got to see the process from the kid's POV. Sitting on the floor, facing a large camera, many lights, and 5 adults all beeseeching you to do something or other is freaky even if you're 29.

KIDS ARE CUTE, PART 53,023
Tonight we taught my niece (5) some dance moves. The twist, the monkey, going swimming, the mixing bowl, the lawnmower, I even showed her how to headbang, and while I considered it, we are not emotionally ready for kitchen-floor mosh pits yet (oh the chaos that'd unleash in her little mind). She hit on running man and robot all by herself. She's actually a very good dancer, last time I was here I showed her the 5 things I remembered from ballet classes when I was her age and she got them instantly. Her brother (3) is in the "jumping up and down" phase of dancing. Damn my dead camera batteries. DAMN THEM!

ADAMS-MORGAN AT NIGHT
Instead of getting 2 hours of sleep, I stayed up the night before I left and walked around A-M from 2 to 4 and got a chance to be there on my own terms (after all the drunks stopped hitting on me and went home, anyway). It was lovely. Only after I left the house did I think, hey--crime wave--maybe I shouldn't be wandering around at night? But I've never been good at heeding such warnings be they given by others or my own mind, and I carried on and was fine, although I did limit myself to well-lighted bits of Columbia and 18th street. Also, an advantage of being cold-tolerant in the south (the south! I live in the south!!) is that the criminals don't want to be out mugging you in witch's-tit weather, which, oddly for DC, it was.

In related news, I need to pick up a tripod. I don't have a single shot I want to keep, though I did see a lot of things I never noticed before and want to try for again. OH, AND, a camera that I can take past F fucking 8 would be cool. Sigh. It's like tracking an underpowered car, right? You learn more? My sister has a kickass-8-years-ago 35mm SLR that is gathering dust and I prefer film anyway, so maybe I will switch to that. Cause I'm made of money, you see.

This poster will look better in daylight.


TRAVEL IS UM, FUN
Tuesday didn't feel like that long of a day until I realized that the pictures I'd taken that day were (sunrise through airport window) (sister on bus) (sunset through bus window). Even for the shortest days of the year that's a lot of traveling.

HOW TO BEST CELEBRATE THE BIRTHDAY OF THE KING OF KINGS?
Stepfather: "You know, Elvis' birthday is coming up."
Grandmother: "Can you take me to the casino??"

THINNER
Jesus fuck have I lost a lot of weight in the last 3 months. I think it's a) all that walking I now do--40 minutes or more a day, b) less appetite--it usually happens every other winter or so, c) unlike in Chicago where I could just drive by someplace before going home there's no easy way to keep the house well-stocked with food so there's often a day or two I'm short of good things to eat, d) I'm also needing less sleep, Watch This Space for mania! (not really. I was much closer a few months ago. ;)

People keep congratulating me. I hate that. It's not like I'm doing it right--I'd accept compliments if it happened because of some conscious lifestyle regimen, but it's not. And (while not a big factor at all) every now and then the ridiculous "maybe I am actually dying of cancer" weight-loss thought floats in there, and compliments seem to trigger that through pattern (it's the fate-tempting).

Weight loss is far more of an inconvenience than one would think. (The "I hate you cause you're skinny" crap our culture foments creates this "thin life is easier" misconception even in people who should know better, but change is change.) I had a fat-clothes cache from fluctuations throughout grad school (junky bras, baggy pants) but my skinny-clothes cache amounted to one pair of size 6 jeans which I am wearing right now. My COATS--all 12s, to fit over bulky sweaters and big boobs--are too loose to keep me warm. An inch of air between torso and outerwear will do that. Yay, Gap! Many cheap coats for sale there. I availed myself of one today and am pondering another.

FAMILY
Happiness is a warm, loving family in another state.

Every year the holidays remind me of the truth of this. (My aunt told me this, over 10 years ago.) Now y'all know me and you know I LOVE my family. I do. But the patterns, the patterns kill ya. The tensions, the snippiness, the not-really-jokes are the same every damn year. They're not just difficult and painful, they're boring too!

WHA- CHRISTMAS? AREN'T YOU JEWISH?
Shut up.

(It's an uninteresting story. Bottom line is: Judaism is not an exotic photocopy of Christianity, and Hanukkah is not the Jewish Christmas. An even deeper bottom line: see "Family," above.)

We're gonna give this a whirl. I see so many things throughout a day that make me think "that'd make an awesome photograph," I've finally started just having my camera with me at all times and am actually getting some captured.

This from a work email's .sig:

Estimated amount of glucose used by an adult human brain each day, expressed in M&Ms: 250.

Sitting in a teeny movie theater in Dupont waiting to see Brokeback Mountain. The place is of course sold out ("world's slowest-moving gay pride parade" as one friend described the scene in SF when it opened). The previews begin. There are two for cartoon family movies (Ice Age 2, etc). Um...do they think it's a lot of parents of small children here? Fire THAT marketer....

Just as I'm about to make some smartass under-breath comment to the above effect, a commercial comes on.

For the National Guard.

I haven't laughed that hard in some time. "What now," I quip to the guy next to me when it was over, "a PSA about donating blood?" He laughed the bitter laugh of the man who's had sex with men since 1977.

The movie was good, and stuff...yeah. I dunno, a tiny bit too close to it to really speak intelligently about it. The Gyllelyleelyellenhall sibling wasn't as hot as Heath Ledger, but then he had a little bit less to do, in many ways the movie was more about Heath's character. While of course not a zany romp, it wasn't an uplifting tour de force about the indomitable human spirit, either. It was a story, no more and no less, and well told. I think it'll be cleaning up at awards shows.

DC is small enough that it's possible to stay on top of the venues and places to go in a particular scene. Which is great for someone a little compulsive like me, who'd always feel in Chicago that I wasn't at THE place for what I wanted, but a place that was most convenient. I don't feel that here. In many ways it really agrees with me.

So the place is small, but on the other hand the place is small. Circumstances last night at one point warranted an activity like pool or bowling. In Chicago I know of a rock'n'bowl (music, neon, black light), a few yuppie microbrew blowdried-dyed-blonde-hair-girl lanes, and two total dive places, and I DON'T BOWL THAT MUCH. Same with pool halls. Here? I know one set of accessible bowling lanes (that is, no car needed), but it's of the yuppie and loud-and-crowded variety, and the pool halls hI know (all around 18th, admittedly) ad the same problem. It may just be that I'm new here and haven't found the Other places yet, but I've had this "smaller, fewer options" feeling about many aspects of DC. (Not all ;)

U street/14th, where we started out last night, is interesting to compare to Adams-Morgan. It's got the same hipster/gentrification thing happening to it, but the buildings aren't cramped like 18th street (which changes the feel quite a bit). The new-shiny veneer is over a different community too. A-M is underlyingly Latino and/or international, but U Street is black American through and through. Ben's Chili Bowl felt like the Soul Food Cafe in Blues Brothers, (you know, with Aretha and Matt "Guitar" Murphy). This makes U street somewhat more comfortable--at least I speak the language--but I am more conspicuous there as a white girl. ('course my overeducated, funky-coat, square-glasses-wearing look is no disguise in A-M....)

(Speaking of Ben's Chili Bowl: run. don't walk. And they even have veggie stuff for your noncarnivorous friends.)

I never went out to clubs much at home, but here it's easy and cheap, and more fun (for me anyway) than at home. The search for the perfect club night/partner/s is as fruitless as ever. I need a good racial mix in the crowd (relatively easy to find in Chicago just hang out at the segregation border, which is downtown), the music to match (allowing for different moods/styles, this was also not terribly hard to find), and likeminded people (the sticking point: in ten years I've found one, MAYBE two). Last night walking down U street I got a great lead on the first and possibly the second. A line stretched halfway around the block, it was for either State of the Union or Republic Gardens. *make a note*

Covers aren't bad here. The highest I've seen--at a place nationally known for its schwankosity, on a Saturday night--was only $10. (Hmm, though. I was there with a semi-regular. Perhaps we got a deal?) In Chicago, the gay clubs were THE place to go for low-cover dancing, I should check that out here, maybe it's also true and they're obscenely cheap. I know, I'll go with my nonexistent gay male friends I made on craigslist!

I still miss Charlie's, in north Boystown in Chicago, which played both kinds of music (country AND western) but had a 5AM license and switched to dance music after the gay bars closed. My first night there, the sight of all those older gay men line-dancing in their vests festooned with medals and ribbons from the Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual/Queer/Genderfuck/Transgendered Line-Dancing Society of the Midwest (as opposed to the Great Lakes QLBTGfG Line Dancer Club, who I think were there on Fridays) caused me to put down my Budweiser (!), grab the friend who'd brought me, and yell in his ear "I LOVE THIS COUNTRY!!!" Charlie's has since been renovated out of its character, but it still exists in memory, on Dearly Departed Nightspot Street. Pardon me as I pour one out.

This came up on the BMC list (of course, everything does eventually...)

In a "Secret Santa" situation, are identities revealed at the end or is the Santa secret forevermore?

I didn't miss Chicago until winter began here. As when I went to college and discovered the existence of bad pizza, I am only now realizing that not every city knows how to deal with snow. It boggles my mind how people freak out here over the threat of winter weather, and a labmate who also loves Chicago and has been here a few years says you never get used to it. I mean, it's RAINING right now--RAINING--and in fear of what might have happened (ice storm!!!), schools closed early today all around Maryland. I miss the taking of weather in stride--not like nobody in Chicago ever complains or gets plans mangled by weather, but it's understood that that's what winter is all about; people go out when it snows if they want to.

(I see the irony here, btw, over my extolling Chicago winter and condemning DC summer. I need to grow a bit of this attitude when the hot weather comes. Perhaps the winter experience will help me do so :)

But it's not just the local bitching. I miss Chicago now in its own right, as I hadn't really before. Some of my very favorite mental snapshots of the city were taken during evening snowstorms on Michigan Avenue in the holiday season (with the trees lit up). The decorated trees along the Magnificent Mile are beautiful enough for a city-lover like me, but to muffle the whole thing--visually and aurally--with that quiet that only serious snowfall can bring makes it transcendent.

There's also that, well, when you move the place doesn't freeze as it was. Specifically, Wrigley Field's bleachers are being rebuilt this winter. This means a bit more than any other change might, because the whole idea of places like Wrigley is that they don't change quickly. Ironically, if I sat in the bleachers I might not feel as strongly, but where my season tickets were, the bleachers were right there, so this'd amount to a major change. This photo is fromthe Cubs broadcasters' blog.

I'm dying to see Bareback err, Brokeback Mountain which opens in DC this weekend. You know how straight men are about lesbians? ......yeah. Also I'm a fool for any of the Gyllelylelllenhalls. A drooling, bothered fool.

So what's the problem? I have no gay male friends in DC. (My gaydar has gone off on a few coworkers, but let's not find out this way, I figure.) This makes me sad. Must I go see hot man-on-man action alone? How do I ask for this on craigslist? "Woman seeks instant gay friend to dish 'n' drool with at Brokeback Mountain." Hmm, maybe that'd work actually. But what if my IGF was not cool?

I guess I may have to put plan B (a girl posse) into action....who's in?

I have found it! The perfect dive bar. Staccato, on 18th down by Florida. I went to open mic night there tonight, and it's what I've been looking for. Not a divebar put-on like Pharmacy or Pharaoh's (fine establishments both, but not quite right, either of them--also I have a bit of a problem with Pharmacy, things...happen...every time I go there). I am a bit concerned that they have Guinness on tap--dangerously trendy--but the other beer is Shiner Bock, so definitely working some sort of quirk thing there.

And here's how you know it's a dive bar and not a dive bar put-on: no PBR. (Well I didn't check too closely actually, could they have had it? No I'd remember....I had Yuengling. Yes--the place was such that I couldn't bring myself to order my stock drink, a g&t, and I gave into the power of beer.)

Open mic night was inspiring. I've always wanted to perform, and hell, if these people can, I can too.

No headphones at work today but I must check this out when I get home: Pandora/Music Genome Project.

You Have a Choleric Temperament

You are a person of great enthusiasm - easily excited by many things. Unsatisfied by the ordinary, you are reaching for an epic, extraordinary life. You want the best. The best life. The best love. The best reputation. You posses a sharp and keen intellect. Your mind is your primary weapon. Strong willed, nothing can keep you down. Your energy can break down any wall. You're an instantly passionate person - and this passion gives you an intoxicating power over others. At your worst, you are a narcissist. Full of yourself and even proud of your faults. Stubborn and opinionated, you know what you think is right. End of discussion. A bit of a misanthrope, you often see others as weak, ignorant, and inferior.

I took it again with a change from extrovert to introvert since I'm right in the middle, and got:

You Have a Phlegmatic Temperament

Mild mannered and laid back, you take life at a slow pace. You are very consistent - both in emotions and actions. You tend to absorb set backs easily. You are cool and collected. It is difficult to offend you. You can remain composed and unemotional. You are a great friend and lover. You don't demand much of others. While you are quiet, you have a subtle wit that your friends know well. At your worst, you are lazy and unwilling to work at anything. You often get stuck in a rut, without aspirations or dreams. You can get too dependent on others, setting yourself up for abandonment.

FOUR JOBS YOU'VE HAD IN YOUR LIFE
-rat killer
-fruit and nut bagger
-children's jousting game wench
-tech support

FOUR MOVIES YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER
well, there's lots of movies I HAVE watched over and over...let's take the top 4 of those
-Godfather
-Time Bandits
-Empire Strikes Back
-Princess Bride

FOUR CITIES YOU'VE LIVED IN:
-DC
-Chicago
-Brooklyn
-wow, would you believe only 3? I only lived in the burbs in college, not Philly proper.

FOUR TV SHOWS YOU LOVE TO WATCH:
-The Daily Show
-Arrested Development
-Colbert Report
-most of its-not-TV-its-HBO

FOUR PLACES YOU'VE BEEN ON VACATION:
-Paris
-New York
-San Francisco/Sonoma Valley
-Cancun
what a godawful boring list! Except for Paris. And it was the shortest one! I wish this said:
-Istanbul
-Tokyo
-Australia
-French wine country

FOUR WEBSITES YOU VISIT DAILY: (this is via RSS)
-aldaily
-DCist
-overheard in new york
-political animal

FOUR OF YOUR ALL-TIME FAVORITE RESTAURANTS:
-Third Coast, Chicago
-Bistrot du Coin, DC
-Hopleaf, Chicago
-place whose name I forget, SF

FOUR OF YOUR FAVOURITE FOODS:
-pomegranates
-cheese
-champagne
-milk

FOUR SCHOOLS YOU'VE ATTENDED
-Northwestern
-Bryn Mawr
-Latin
-Anshe Emet

FOUR PLACES I'D RATHER BE RIGHT NOW:
-with friends or family
-batting cage
-driving a fast car fast
-Paris

What. the fuck. is wrong. with this town.

I mean, I'm liking it here folks. Fun. Stuff to do. Nice people. Now that summer is done, I even like the weather.

It snowed on Monday. Started midday. Pretty little flakes, aww! how nice! They have winter here, it's a light and cheery winter, not all that cold, but enough to know it's there. I sit next to a German PhD trained in Sweden, and a Chicago-lover comes by to tell me how stupid DC people are about snow, how the whole place will shut down for what would be flurries in Chicago. I laugh. Surely she must be exaggerating. The flurries continue.

The lab secretary comes by (I sit by the printer). Looks out the window thoughtfully. Window: (snow). Maybe falling at an inch per two hours, MAYbe. It's no later than 2PM. "I think I'll go home early," she says thoughtfully. Labmate and I dutifully look out window and make murmuring sounds of support, while actually trying DESPERATELY NOT TO LOOK AT EACH OTHER AND BUST OUT LAUGHING.

I get an email. Courses on the NIH campus that night are canceled, due to the weather. WHAT WEATHER??

German labmate leaves, comes back. "How is it out there" I joke. "Oh man! It's something!!" I believe her for an instant, then remember: never joke with a German. They'll run joke rings around you. We laugh.

Now I see this on DCist:
Snow Possible Later This Week: Just when area meteorologists and government officials are giving each other a pat on the back for the mostly smooth response to the snow storm earlier this week, weather officials say snow may be likely Thursday and Friday this week, the Post reports. At this point the National Weather Service says there's a 60 percent chance of snow Friday.

ahem.

SNOW STORM??

ligetisplit has reposted a truly hilarious and accurate take on Bush's recent Victory speech. A favorite bit:

It's a fantastic idea. And it works. Look how well Bush, you, and the country are doing. I love this approach so much I want it carried into the Theater. I want to see a production of Hamlet where the whole back set is the giant word "INDECISION!" Or maybe a production of Long Day's Journey Into Night where a flat reads "THAT'S FAMILY FOR YOU!"

In somewhat related news, I share with you this scene from my love life.

techne23 and boyfriend are at her house after seeing a movie.
techne23, boyfriend: (making out like a couple who haven't made out in a week)
boyfriend: (suddenly grabs techne23's shoudlers newly excited) Gaagh! I'm SO GLAD you AREN'T A REPUBLICAN!!!

Likewise, my dear...likewise.

My first Thanksgiving since leaving Chicago. It was more significant a change than last year, which was my parents' first post-Chicago TG, because my friends have for almost 10 years held a massive pre-TG celebration the weekend before. Going had never been logistically problematic when I was in Chicago since it was only in Naperville, and I thought it'd be a good way to revisit my Chitown life and its traditions, which it was, for good and ill. But taking the interim days off work was a waste of time and money (it saved me one leg of a trip but cost me in catsitter days).

Our family TG evolves. This year my sister was not here but a family friend was, so we were again 6 (an old friend of mine who lives in my parents' town, and his wife, rounding the group out last year and this). My poor mother has been cooking for 15, 20, 25 people since 1989. It's ridiculous how much food we make, and desserts too. (We are learning, though. We only made ONE sweet potato souffle this year.) And until I started making creme brulee last year, TG dessert was a crapshoot: I don't like pumpkin pie or pecan pie. (Hmm, why DO I hate freedom?)

What a strong comparison to last year. I remember sitting on the living room couch with my friends then, angsting at them over the pain of writing and my uncertain future and saying things like "I know I'll get through it, I just have no idea HOW." (Which I was saying right up until the morning of my defense about some aspect or other.) Which was of course true, I did get through it, and I still couldn't tell you how. What a fucking year though. From 0 to Happy on doctorate, living situation, job/career, friends, love life, even mental health! Every now and then when happy I think "what did I do to deserve this?" and then I remember: "oh yeah--I suffered for years and years!" :) I'm always happy at TG, counting my blessings comes easily and I love having the excuse, but this year it's paradoxically hard because my entire life feels like a blessing. Where would I even start?

I was set to return Sunday morning. What crack was I on when I set that up?? I HATE going home the last day of a vacation. I think I underestimated the stress of travel, thinking a train is not so bad, etc. but I'm hauling a full week of clothes in a too-heavy piece of luggage and thinking about getting in at 1 on Sunday made me unbelievably tired. So I changed it, yay amtrak flexibility/additional cars, and yay reduced catsitting costs, and yay HOME, MY SPACE, HOME! I do feel I owe my parents and my friend a weekend, though. January, I am aiming for for that.

By going home early I get to meet and practice with a women's baseball team I am considering joining!! I am very excited about this. To play hardball, with actual fastpitch, no slow arcing grapefruits to hit! And oh the bragging rights gained by a baseball-playing woman, to no longer have to defend softball...! I am totally going to learn how to pitch. I've been wanting to learn the baseball pitching motion for years and teams like this ALWAYS need utility players who pitch (which was my role on my softball teams too). It'll be interesting to see how working out the last few years will change my game. I'm hoping for a noticeably stronger arm.

Note timestamp. My sleep schedule got way fucked this vacation, which will suck for next week.....I'd say that I'll be soooo tired when I get home tomorrow night that I'll go to bed, but I know I'll get home and want to go out again once infected by the Adams-Morgan crazy. Or at least energized enough by it to not get to bed until the bars close :)

Today there was a talk about the ethics of cognitive enhancement. The speaker's expertise was in sports enhancement and he laid out the principles in those terms and then applied them over, it worked well. He didn't have slides, so I knit the whole time, stopping to take notes here and there. (A researcher once told him, "a 'drug' is any substance which, when injected into a rat, yields a scientific paper.")

At the end his voice changed and I put my knitting down, something was up. He closed with a final example based on the observation that the brain is modular and the modules might be separable with interventions; for example, one might want to remove an emotional/compassion module from a cognitive one to facilitate PTSD recovery or some such. Then he told a personal story. Five years ago this month, one of his children was murdered by a serial killer (sociopath, as he put it; he had killed 6 others). He mentioned this both to illustrate the damage that could be caused by such a separation (argument being that the murderer had reason but no empathy, a situation which such modular interventions could make easier to attain) and to say that, had he the chance to take something to help ease his grief at the time, he would not have done so out of respect for the parent-child bond.

nemies, WWDLD?

Saw the Dalai Lama speak at my neuroscience conference yesterday. I stood/sat in line for maybe 1.5 hours, and it paid off in a 5th-row seat. The title was "the neuroscience of meditation" which is a topic I find fascinating and was looking forward to hearing about, but that wasn't the topic at all. His talk was mostly about his personal relationship with science and curiosity, from cosmology to biology to the study of consciousness, making the point along the way that if science and buddhist texts conflict, he chooses science. Sounds ok, and then you realize that he's IN CHARGE. His choice has massive repercussions for the monks he leads (and he has also added science to their curriculum). A leader who isn't conservative about the ideas he's supposed to be protecting...what a thing to see. I guess when you take the god pressure out of it, and put your religious authority in humanity itself, science is not a threat anymore.

He did say something I found surprising. In his broken english, he talked about how if there were a surgery to remove all the bad thoughts from his head--anger, fear, attachment--he would be first in line. It was a laugh line, but it came up later in a few questions, first the classic "if there were a pill that you could take to confer the benefits of meditation without the work, would you approve?" He said yes. And when asked another way (drug addiction), he said yes again. Clearly not something he hasn't thought about. The point for him is to eliminate these "bad" emotions.

And I disagree with him that that would be a good thing. (well, maybe he didn't mean it as a good thing, but something he wanted...) Maybe he meant it as a goal, that he supported the process of getting to the point of "the surgery." However I wonder if he knows how achievable and un-theoretical such a state is. Drugs, surgery...we already have these things to alter our mental states, and we could use them to do so far more aggressively if we chose. And I think that a life too easy makes the mind feed on itself for conflict; struggle is important, and the only way you can learn about yourself really. I mean this not just psychologically, but physically as well--exercise, stress, challenge, these things help the body grow and change, and without them we would be less human. Perhaps this is where the buddhism comes in. A more human humanity is not the goal because humanity involves suffering...?

Something just occured to me. He began his talk by saying that he would just speak to us as people, as fellow human beings, as old friends. It was actually very touching how he put it, amazing how real religious leaders have that power to reassure, but it seeemed out of place somehow. Could he have been intimidated?? Intimidated by speaking to a room of 7500 scientists? Who wouldn't be, but he's the fucking Dalai Lama! Hence the weirdness about it that I sensed?

I developed a Lama Peeve. People insist on calling him/thinking of him as "cute." I think they do it because of his yoda-esque english and also because of his stature and demeanor, which is about as relaxed and happy as you can imagine. He smiles, he laughs, he's expressive. People feel warmly towards him and that makes them say "cute" about him (although, come to think of it, I've only heard women say this). But what I was struck by is how deep and strong his voice was. A manly trait, in my mind--and it occured to me that if men like the D.L. were seen as manly, what a helluva world we'd have on our hands.


(you all should be proud of me that I didn't once mention #7 in this post. A whole 10, 20 minutes of not thinking about him.
D'OH!!)

(and really shouldn't be blogging)

After recent events I am thinking a lot about my need to feel desired by others. I was used to thinking of that need as wrong somehow. Too unindividuated. I should be happy just being myself. blah blah blah.

But today, sitting here, working late, I'm just wishing I had someone to call to say "Hey, I'll be late tonight." Not just someone who cares--I can always call my mom :) But someone to whom my lateness makes a material or emotional difference. Seems to me that's just plain garden-variety loneliness, not wanting to feel as if you are making no impression on the world. Nothing unusual, or crazy, or unbalanced about that; pretty damn human in fact.

There is also that I had that, for many many years, loveless and strange though it may have been. In fact the loveless part made it even more obvious how this need is not linked to romantic life so much as simply physical life.

This post brought to you by the first night of work I've had to do since April.

Not really safe for work. But so delicious!

Is YOUR mom this cool?

The scavenger hunt was fun! While uncreatively named, our motley team had a good time, and has plans for a better showing next year. Of course, we didn't win, but this turns out to be a good thing as the first team to finish gets to organize it next year. 150 4-line rhyming hints seending people all the hell around a neighborhood in addition to other, timely, scavenger items and events....no thanks. Only one photograph out of the deal, and on another teammate's camera....perhaps he will forward it along once his busy work life calms down :)

I got sick on Saturday night and still am (home from work today), so I didn't see the marathon or visit the Parks showing. But I did get this reminder that I live in a Catholic neighborhood. (It sounded far better in person.) That was taken from my bedroom window. My neighborhood's underlying poor base (that is, the people who lived there before we white girls moved in) is Latino, and every now and then this becomes very visible as a union march or a vigil takes place.

Can't put this pic inline for some reason....

Finally, I'm both healthy AND at home for a weekend!! What to do? Ms T, are you still up for this? Sunday is the Marine Corps Marathon, watching marathons is lots of fun IMO. AND, I hear that Rosa Parks will be laid out at the Lincoln Memorial. What a nice thing to do for her, I thought when I heard it, then I thought HEY! that means I CAN GO! So I may do that after the marathon.

I'm not hugely into halloween. Also I lack the critical mass of drunk, unanalytical friends that make modern halloween events (that is, bar-crawling) a good time. But here's some meme fun:
techne23's Halloween party:

audnauseam didn't dress up, spoilsport.
benjyfeen dressed as George W. Bush.
blueagave dressed as a bottle of Veeestrsole.
bostonlawchiq dressed as a character from "Schindler's List".
emilyjaax gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as the Governor of Iowa.
friede dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Annoying Hunter.
gib dressed as your uncle.
isabel_gold dressed as Zorak.
kafein74 dressed as a devil.
lark_b dressed as something relative, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
leavingvirginia dressed as someone called "Nancy Zaegel", but you've never heard of them before.
ligetisplit dressed as a skeleton.
nemies dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Pendant of Triumph.
sanaenam dressed as a executive sheet spreader.
slowlyawake dressed as a pirate.
I guess you all are having your own party! anonamys didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
luvmoose didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.
owlmoose didn't even show up and doesn't get any candy.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

What've I been up to?

--went to WI for the birthday party. Wonder Woman costume was risque, but when I tried to cover up I was encouraged to flaunt my goodies by pretty much my whole family. Some family, eh? I won the adult costume contest, for chutzpah I think. I had flesh-colored tights, which made it all possible (no way would I have done it otherwise). Perhaps I will post a photo...

--went to Boston for a conference last weekend (got back tuesday) After seeing the kids, I got a cold, which the flights to and from Boston worsened. I STILL can't hear properly. Really getting annoying. YES, I've chewed gum and yawned.

The conference was a lot of fun. I saw the big names in the field have knock-down drag-outs several times, in front of everyone. I'm told it's not usually THAT eventful. Too bad! :) It also made me realize I have a particular approach to the central questions in the field that may be what make it possible for me to carve out a niche. I'm meeting with my advisor today and I'll be bouncing some ideas off him. Let's hope this post-meeting scenario doesn't happen: